We get involved in these romantic relationships and think we own somebody, don’t we? We don’t flagrantly announce it to the world, but when our approach to relationships is ego-based, it inevitably happens because the approach is selfish. Our ego is only concerned with getting its needs met so if ego is running the show, you're going to be very attached mentally and emotionally to outcomes, which means when things don't go the way we think they should, to best serve us, we find ourselves suffering as a result.  

If you don’t adopt a holistic approach to love, you may never realize that the love, time and affection that you’ve been giving have been purely emotional and conditional, and when its time to let go, you just won't know how to beacause you're emotionally and mentally attached to the person and to your expectations. Allow me to explain.

A holistic approach to relationships allows you to see the relationship for what it is…an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. You have something to contribute to that person’s life journey to help them evolve as a person, as they do yours. That’s the underlying purpose of every relationship, whether intimate or otherwise. But if we have an ego-based approach to relationships, many times we can live under false pretenses because our mind and emotions can cloud our judgment and the true purpose of the relationship.

In our relationships, if we seek to understand the purpose of the relationship for both people involved, and then maintain a non-attached attitude about our expectations within the relationship, it will be easier to love unconditionally, and easier to move on once the purpose of the relationship has been fulfilled.

For example, say you’re in a relationship with someone who you think you really love. And let’s say that person tells you that they are not in love any more and are ready to move on. If you are mentally and emotionally attached to your expectations regarding this person and the relationship, you will have a difficult time accepting your mate’s decision and letting them go and will suffer as a result. However, if you have a holistic perspective about relationships, you love them unconditionally and that means allowing them the freedom to do what they need to do and be what they need to be without negative interference on your part.

If you truly love and care for someone unconditionally, and you are mentally, spiritually, and emotionally mature and unattached to your expectations, you will not try to force, coerce, control or manipulate someone into being who or what you want them to be for YOU. You will not try to own them. You will set them free to be whom and what they need to be for THEM.

That’s unconditional love, that’s emotional maturity. A holistic approach to love and relationships is an elevated approach that seeks to add value to another’s life without conditions. A holstic approach allows you to be less emotionally attached to people and outcomes and more consciously aware of the purpose the relationship serves in both of your lives. –love, sj